My room smells like vodka and shame
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you win again, gameday.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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