I'm lost and stupid without you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
