Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
