nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
