So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
