I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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