Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
