it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
