Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i love accidental penises.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
