I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There's even glitter on my cock...
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