About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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