but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
