i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
