do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize