Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
