Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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