Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
