i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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