Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
