In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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