she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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