he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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