Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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