Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
