1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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