Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
