At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
