The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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