i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
