i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
