he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
