Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
do nipples grow back?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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