Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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