did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
