yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
