I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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