I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
