I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
