:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
