I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
love makes seman taste better
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
