Only a mothe r could love this liver
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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