Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
