so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
