i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
