So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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