This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
