There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
