theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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