all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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