i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
