i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no you cant smoke seaweed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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