She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
