If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
