Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
