im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They have beer where we have blood.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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