you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
