There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
