why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
