I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
