I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
