i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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