That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize