He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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