some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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