Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
