I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
