Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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