The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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