I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
