Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
