Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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