Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
